Eve has recently arrived on my inner scene, whispering in my burning left ear that her red apple (although technically scholars of all things near-eastern have declared the apple a fig, but as an acute metaphorologist, I’m holding the red apple) was truly, the first red pill (unashamed Matrix reference). I’ve always suspected this redvelation and that’s why this symbol will play a fundamental role in our Redvolution film. 

Some of my Red events that are happening soon - spread the word - I'd love to meet you!

If you could make love, have sweaty sublime sex, get down and dirty with any past spiritual teacher or deity or angel or god or goddess in the entire universe, who would it be and why?

Now before you roll your third eye or cross yourself or finger your prayer beads, know that this slightly provocative idea is nothing close to being new. Truth be told, the divine has been getting it on since time immemorial. For example, the Babylonian goddess Ishtar seduced a mortal man, Gilgamesh. In Canaan, the chief god El has sex with the goddess Asherah. In Egyptian religions, the god Osiris has sex with his sister, the great goddess Isis. The Hindu god Krishna had sex with countless women, often at the same time, as he just multiplied himself (hey, he’s a god. Why have one orgasm, when you can have thousands simultaneously?), but more commonly with his true love, the mortal woman Radha. And don’t get me started with all the libidinous fun the Greek God Zeus had way back in the classical day. And celestial intercourse was experienced, often quite graphically, by many mystics round this world such as St. Theresa, Rumi, Hafiz, and Mirabai, just to name a few.

Now you might be thinking, all well and good for those deities or “special” mortals who managed to attract such illuminated lust, but what about little ol’ ordinary career-climbing, coffee-drinking, occasionally meditative me? To which I’ll say this: Divine booty calls did not just happen in the ancient past. They’re happening right now. All you have to do is wink back. That said, it’s always wise to screen your divine dates, use your intuition, and be sure to check out their history. A few brief examples to get your loins levitating and your mind lubricated:

Jesus Christ: This spiritual teacher is definitely at the top of my “to do” list. With the long hair, tan skin, healing touch, rebel yell, ability to resurrect (wink) himself, and his famous “love your neighbor as yourself” teaching, I'm pretty damn positive that he’s one helluva Lover. Mary Magdalene concurs. Risks: he gets in trouble with the law (all laws really – socio-cultural, political, religious), hangs extra tight with his male buddies, and might mysteriously disappear for 10 years at a time.

Kali: Um hello, this Hindu goddess has 4 arms and a looong tongue, and she likes to dance naked. Need I say more? Ok, I do. If you can get over the human skulls circling her neck and the appendages hanging off her waist and her preference for late-night cemetery romps, I’d say you’re good to go, but always with her on top. Risks: your life being destroyed and losing your head (thus your ego). Hint: Watch for the sword.

Buddha: Calm yet awake, mindful, not full of dukka, zzzzzzzz. Whoops, sorry, I sort of dozed off there. I mean, could you really imagine him throwing you across his lap for a good spank while he’s in lotus position? Let’s be honest, despite the undeniable enlightenment this glorious being has provided to the planet, he has seriously low sex appeal, not to mention, quite a large belly.

White Buffalo Calf Woman: A beautiful and wise native warrior. She’s what you might call “outdoorsy” and she likes to see you sweat (after all, she introduced sweat lodges to native ceremony). Risks: She smokes, and will ask you to do so too, but this is an honor. Also, please don’t think bad thoughts around her, let her approach you first, and hang on to your flesh (read her myth before you wink).

Dionysus: Graeco-Roman god also known as Bacchus. This intoxicating deity loves to dance, take ecstasy, and party all night long. Risks: He might drive you mad, turn you into an alcoholic, or encourage you to hump trees.

Kwan Yin: She’s compassionate, elegant, serene, and a Buddhist bodhisattva – she's vowed never to rest until all beings in the entire universe are enlightened. As my friend Marc says, she gives and gives and gives, yet no one gives to her. So he knows exactly what he wants to give her in order to make her smile even wider. Risks: there’s really no risk with this lovely goddess, only the risk of not loving her enough. Sigh.

Shiva: Dread-locked Hindu god of creation who knows a thing or five billion about Tantra. Let’s just say he really knows how to handle his snake. Risks: He sometimes turns ascetic and shoots fire out of his third eye.

Aphrodite: The Greek goddess of beauty and love and all things sensual. This would surely be an epic encounter. Risks: She’s vain, moody, jealous, causes wars (Trojan – but at least we got some decent condom jokes from it) and although married to Hephaestus, is definitely polyamorous. You might want to avoid any golden apples she offers.

Rumi: There is nothing sexier than a love-drunk mystic with a holy hangover who dances and drinks wine and sings some of the most beautiful sensual ecstatic love poetry of all time. Count me in on that party. But of course I’d have to make room for Shams. Risks: Drama, tears, constant whirling, and he may not be into women. (btw, all sexual orientations are celebrated in the divine’s bedroom)

A word about Christian angels: Horny. Some of them at least. Well, enough of them that an entire “lost” book of the Bible was written about their lust for human women. So venture at your own risk, and always use protection or at least practice hip-stretching yoga asanas. The Book of Enoch tells us half angel, half human babies are quite large, giants really, and none too pretty. Which reminds me, also beware of devils masquerading as gods or angels – like any new lover, use discernment. When in doubt, say you have a headache and call it a night.

We’ve barely skimmed the divine’s little red book. There are thousands more tantalizing beings to explore. Eventually, with authentic practice the myriad of divine forms you make love with will meld and merge and transmute into one constant all-encompassing Divine Lover. A Lover that is not outside of you or separate from you, but is You. As many mystics know, the more you venture within, the more you play passionately with divinity, the more God/dess you will become. A true making of Love. A constant cosmic orgasm. A modern-day mystical sexual activist who’s equipped to create some major change on this on this all-too-often spiritually-frigid planet.

So.

You ready to start blowing the panties off angels and making some deities drool?
I thought so. Feel free to let me know your deities of choice and why.

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goto www.spiritualcowgirl.com and blast away.

A Bit O' Red Valentine's Day Her-story

Many of us know that Valentine's Day was created to honor Saint Valentine, but many of us don’t know Valentine’s dirty little sister - a holiday that’s been tucked deep into the sticky sheets of His-story. I’m referring to Lupercalia - pre roman fertility festivals held on February 15th (which also just happens to be my birthday), that celebrated nature, healthy crops, and bountiful prosperity. Sometimes during Lupercalia men and women drew names from an urn and paired off together for some fun and frisky loving. Ah, the good old days. Shockingly, the Church didn’t approve of these "pagan" activities, so in 494 Pope Gelasius declared Lupercalia moot and created “The Purification Feast of The Virgin” day and sucked the holiday back to the 14th because, well, he could. Now if that action and new holiday “label” don’t sum up the early Church for ya, I don’t know what will….but I digress. I guess the “purified virgin” theme was a bit too extreme for the lay people, so two years later in 496 Pope Gelasius moved this virgin’s holiday to February 2nd and declared February 14th St. Valentine’s Day –named after two somewhat random Christian martyrs who shared the same name. It wasn’t till the middle ages that Valentine’s Day was linked to the trend of courtly love and grew it’s romantic roots… and back to love we bloomed.